Sunday, March 7, 2010

sweet Jesus.

I had one of the best weekends i have in a very long time.
I have thought a lot about how i would explain the weekend but might have some difficulty doing it, so bear with me.
The weekend started off with a good Friday morning in Staff Meeting for Cru. It was a very unproductive meeting but i laughed a lot so that made up for the frustration of the unproductively.
It was a beautiful day and all i wanted to do was spend time with Matthew. I feel as if im pretty good about being long distance. I try not to think about other couples and compare my life to theirs because no one is the same. But sometimes the inability to be together gets to me. I just wanted to spend the beautiful afternoon with the one that i love. Matthew went camping and called me on his hour drive to the river where they would be. I ended up in tears on the phone after talking about how great the days was for both of us. These tears even caught me off guard. After learning multipke times that crying over things like this doesnt change anything the night went on like it always does, me wishing i was with him and him wishing the same thing. The ended with me going to Christie's house for a mini girls retreat with Cru.
Saturday i woke up and went over to Christie's agin for 2 sessions led by a girl named Joy Davis from Mississippi who used to be on staff with Crusade.
Lately everything i'm learning has been coming from the Old Testament. It seems like everyone is preaching and teaching out of either Genesis or Exodus. She taught from Exodus and Numbers this weekend. She focused on the passage in Numbers 11 and Exodus 8. The sum of her message focused on how God provides Manna in the wilderness like he did the children of Isreal. God gave them Manna when they needed it but they still told him that the were not satisfied and wanted meat instead. They gave in to other cravings. He gave them what the wanted but it was bad for them in the end. God provided each of them different portions of Manna everyday according to each of their needs. Some days he gave more some days he gave less, but he gave enough. In the same was he provides enough for me according to my need. In every way. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. I don't see it all the time but right now he has provided for me everything to live a godly life. He has given me enough. Really more than enough. I get so unsatisfied with what i have in front of me and decide to give in to other cravings. I wonder why Matthew and I are together yet 9 hours away but have to realize that God has given that to us as a provision. The distance is part of his provision in some way that i may never know. He knows that i feel unsatisfied sometimes being away from Matt. I know though that the Lord knows i need intimacy and He has already given enough to me to be emotionally satisfied. I have to be satisfied in the times i am apart from him and when i am with him. He has taught me that no matter what happens in the end that i can only be dependent on the Lords satisfaction and that no person can provide that for me like He can.
Anyways in saying all of this, Saturday i had a contentment inside that i had not felt t a very long time. I spend my afternoon going on a walk with Gabrielle and I was okay with the fact that i would not talk to Matthew all weekend due to camping. I was not anxious about getting to communicate to keep our relationship connected.
That night i ate dinner and watched a movie with Sara and Gabrielle. At about 10:30 we had a knock on the door... i went and looked out the window and Matthew was standing there. Im still smiling from the feeling. I had NO idea. I had not talked to him for almost 2 days and figured He was still with no service. The Lord blessed me by helping me understand contentment. Once i was He blessed me with even more than i could have imagined. Not saying that every-time i am content a surprise will show up at my door but when i let the Lord be my satisfaction i have a inner peace i cant feel from anything else.
Matthew has already left but It was a great 5 hours that we got to spend together. I will see him a week from tomorrow.
I know i have a pretty sweet boyfriend. And an amazing Lord.
This will always be a struggle in life for all of us. Its always easier said than done and contentment is a hard thing. Even still i have to trust in His promises for my life, that He will be who He says He is in time of need and that He already is who he says he is even when i don't feel it or believe it.

oh also. Matthew brought me tulips! He forgot in the car because he was so excited to see me but nothing happened to them :)
Oh man.


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