Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Ok so Its been a while.
Today i woke up not wanting to go to class. At all. I mean.. when do i ever but today the desire not to was stronger than normal. 
I put on my jeans (we are working in the wood shop today so have to wear hot clothes), a tshirt, my keds and off to class it is..
I arrive 5 min. early and our teacher walks in to tell us he has to cancel class due to maintenance that needs to be done in the metal shop. 
MMM. Best day ever. I could complain about the gallon of sweat that came off my body from walking to and from class but theres no room for that.

I had so many ideas of blog entry's to write while driving home from California. But of course 2 weeks later the ideas have diminished slightly.
Matt and I drove from California to Texas in 22 hours. Took turns driving and were probably the nastiest people ever after spending 22 hours in a car, that half of the time didn't have a working air conditioner. It was good times. 
Really though. Good times apart from us not having an air-conditioner driving across the hottest part of the united states. 
I decided that we got abstraction from the Western part of the U.S. 
Well, sorta. That could be a controversial statement. Abstraction is a distorted view of something else. But i think you get what i mean. 
All throughout Arizona and New Mexico, there are shapes and shapes for miles. I guess you could call tress and stuff in the south organic and abstract? but theres something different about the mounds found in the desert that just scream it. The West has colors not found here. The land and the sky are literally made up or purples and reds. Its amazing. 
I got to oppportunity of driving early in the morning through West Texas. I've only heard horrible things about it but because there is nothing there.. it made my view of the sunrise spectacular. Literally... i don't know where the land ended.. the land is so flat and stretches forever. 
Just driving for hours, in the middle of nowhere has probably been one of the best parts of my summer so far.. Mainly because it was with Matthew and because theres just something about a road trip that just brings freedom.  Oh and the fact that it was across my native land.. since i am Indian and all...

It could be just the way i think but sometimes i think that my actions are symbolic for where i am. And i sometimes intentionally do things because i think its symbolic to where i am, what I'm doing, what I'm going though, etc.  That might be weird and not make sense but driving like we did this summer kinda describes my life right now. Explaining that could take a while. 

I feel different now than I did when I left for the Summer.
A good different.
I've learned so much the past 2 months. Ive learned about myself, about God, about the world, about relationships.. really about life in general. 

Ive learned that I am my own person. I have my own decisions to make, and my own experiences that i go through with God alone. At the same time. I'm just like everyone else. We are all sinners. I am a sinner. And a good one at that. I'm in need of a savior daily just like everyone. I'm in need of community and of dependence. A simple truth. But a good one that I'm sure I'm going to be reminded of everyday for the rest of my life.

Now for a few random things. 

I want to start a book club.
I have 5 books on my list already. 

I hung out with Davis Ann last night, she's the best.
Its amazing of the things that change in 2 months. How you can see how you, and your friends have grown just by being away from them a short time. I'm ready for her to be back here with me. The next year should be interesting. We are different today than we were yesterday and going into out last year of college should make it an interesting yet good time. 

I'm going to see Jessica this weekend :)
Shes gonna help me name my new car.. and teach me about my new computer. I'm excited. I always get a warm feeling when i think about going to Cleveland. Maybe because every other time I've been its been in the fall. And that makes me feel warm? haha i dunno. 

Matt's coming in 2 weeks. Anticipation makes the 2 weeks seem like 2 months. 

Anyways. God is good. 
I'm a sinner. 
He loves me. 
And that's good. 

hm. Now what to do with a day that i have no class?

Good day to everyone!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Almost there.

Haha this picture is from Matt and my first date last summer. Its not the best picture but it works :)

Matt and i celebrated our one year anniversary last week. Seriously!? Its hard to believe that a year ago last tuesday we went on our first date and realized that we both really liked each other.. It doesnt seem like its been a year. Its been a good one though for sure. Hard.. but good.

We celebrated by going 2 hours north on Long Beach to Santa Barbara. It has to be one of the most beautiful places ive ever been. The city has a small town feel and is surrounded by mountains and pretty rocky beaches. We have fun traveling together, discovering new places, and sometimes getting lost in the process. I love being with Matt and am so thankful i got to spend another half of my summer with him here.

I had a hard time letting my self understand that this is ok but i know the reason i came out here was because of him. I think ive grown up in differnt ways than usual this summer. Ive grown spiritually.. but more so ive grown relationally. By being with Matt the Lord has shown me things i need to work on and highlighted the good things in me. Im learning life skills. Of couse i wish i knew a book of the bible like backwards and forwards after being here 6 weeks but im really excited about what the Lords maturing me in. It feels so good knowing my character growth is just as important to him as my spiritual knowledge.

Im leaving here a week from today.

Im ready to get back home.
Im ready for consistancy.
Im ready for routine. (I was a fool to think that i could give my self routine out here.. and 15 pounds later im feeling the defeat in that. ha)

Im half way ready to face challenges.

Im not ready to leave Matt and..
Im not ready to fight the battle that a 9 hour long distance relationship brings..

I learned receanly that 70% of all communication is non verbal.. hints why being in a long distance relationship has its struggles...

Im learning to trust though.

Im learning that Love "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1cor3:7)

Its been a good summer so far. I still have half of one left and im not gonna lie.. im kinda excited about getting to spend the rest of it in the heat of Alabama at my house on Caplewood.

We're too young to realize that the things we want to do are impossibe
So, We will do them anyways.

Saturday, June 6, 2009


I'm sitting on my couch in the Beach Plaza Hotel.
Long Beach is one of the most interesting places..
We have drug dealers living under us..
Homeless living right out side our doors..
Million Dollar houses down the street..
And a homosexual coffee shop across the park from our hotel...

With all of these differences the world seems to still go on..
No one is disturbed... of course there is chaos.. but at the same time its just how things are...
Its sad really..
sad that the norm is chaos..

I feel peaceful though..
In the midst of fear.. fear of earthquakes.. failure as a disciple.. and of all the violence that could happen any time..

I'm listening to an instrumental song that Jessica gave me in tenth grade when she got home from church camp..
The song has helped me sleep many nights and just brings back flash backs of good times.. with her.. with the lord.. i keep playing a scene in my head of riding in Jessica's car with her and Meghan Hill singing our lungs out to U2 on the pb and j mix.. i miss that. I loved the summer after my tenth grade year..
Being here has made me really realize how much I've grown up.. grown up from that place..
Meghan in getting married.. along with 2 of my other friends who i spent that summer with.. its so weird...

Monday, June 1, 2009


Ill write a long update on the summer sometime soon but a few things I've learned in long beach so far..

That the Lord taught me way more than i thought in my so called dry season of my life.. The past year Ive felt like not much has gone on in my life spiritually but had the realization today that God was speaking in the silence.. I figured out that He was teaching me through things i didn't know he was teaching me though... or through things i didn't think i could learn from..
He really does use all things for my good? even things that seem insignificant...

That i have the best of friends at home..i already knew thins but being away from them always highlights it even more.

That i have sooo much to learn.

That i need God to do anything and am powerless without him.

That i still have issues. (nothing new)

That running on the beach isn't as glamours as it looks.. after ten min. of running the beach turns into a desert.

That I'm growing up faster than i realized and the feeling of missing out on part of my families life/ sisters life breaks my heart way more than i thought it ever would ( i had to miss her graduation and senior recital)

That California shouldn't be called the sunshine state because its been cloudy the past 2 weeks almost everyday.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah

There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has made desolations in the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.

Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!

The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

Thursday, May 21, 2009

nappa valley.

Okay so this is the finished product of my 1st commissioned painting.. i usually don't paint for people but Liz's sister asked me if i would paint this picture to give her husband for their anniversary and i thought i could use the experience so i agreed..

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


ok here is a small update.

Matt and I went on our road trip and hit 12 states in 4 days :)
It was perfect. We had such an amazing time.
We got to see so many parts of the US that we've never seen before and listen to tons of NPR/This American Life while doing so.
I adore him.

California has been great too.
The night i arrived i honestly was like what the crap am i doing here and kinda wanted to cry.
Since Ive been around the rest of the staff Ive felt sooo much better and really excited to be here being apart of what the Lord is doing and along side with some of the most amazing people.
I love our staff team. And its been sooo good to know im gonna see Matt ever day and not have to say a million hour goodbye every night..

We had an earthquake the 2nd night i was here.
I was in the middle of telling my testimony/ the power of the holy spirit part in my life and all of a sudden our building starts shaking.
haha. its kinda funny the timing... but def. scared me. It was scary I've been paranoid ever since because there are always after shocks that come and sometimes ones that are stronger.
I know its in the Lords hands though. Im doing my best to trust in Him and his sovereign plan.
He is good and i know my life is his.

I saw today that Iron and Wine one of my most favorite bands played an in house all request free show down the road at a local music store on Sunday and i missed it! ah. oh well. haha I'm kinda sad i did. I mean the place is literally not even 5 min away.
oh man.

I'm missing mt sisters dance recital this weekend. and i knew it would bother me but it brings me to teams when i think of not getting to be there.. i dunno why.. i guess we've both dance at River City since we were 4 and this is her last year and I'm missing it.. I'm missing her graduation too.. i feel like I'm missing out on her life.. that upsets me.. i miss my family already and Ive been gone a week

Jess id going to Italy today and im really excited/ jelous shes going. I love her, She always sends me random emails about the most random but informative things and i love it. Shes pretty great.

O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.
I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel;
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the LORD always before me;
Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will rest in hope.
For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.
You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
psalm 16:5-11

Saturday, May 9, 2009

and He said to me.

..."Just wait.. hold on a little bit longer"...

Friday, May 8, 2009


You give me miles and miles of mountains and I ask for the sea.
[damien rice]

48 hours.

Last night the ceiling caught me starring for a few hours again.

This morning i walked off campus finishing one more year of college.

Today my sister turns 18 and i say goodbye to one of my best friends for little while.

Tonight my hands will hopefully have completed my first commissioned piece of art work.

Tomorrow morning my brother graduates from college.

Tomorrow I'm taking my time driving to my home town. I look forward to the 2 hours alone in my car driving though Alabama.

Tomorrow night ill be back home and get to spend much needed time with my best friend in the entire world.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

to You.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
psalm 61:2


there's only four seasons
and this ones almost gone
[joe purdy]


Its storming. 3 am. I'm sweating. I can't sleep.
The thing I cant stop thinking..
I wish I were the one you shared your words with.


She lifts her skirt up to her knees
Walks through the garden rows
With her bare feet laughing.
[ray lamontagne]

Ive always liked to pretend that I'm the girl in that line.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


I'm in kind of a cheesy mood.. so here it goes...

I just want to reiterate the fact that i will be in the car with Matt on the way to Colorado a week from today.. haha. Seriously.. I'm so excited.. For those of you who don't know.. Matt does live 9 hours away... and we see each other maybe every 4-6 weeks (except as of late, due to surprise visits) but we get to spend 5 days in the car together on our way out to California just the two of us.. we are stopping a few places on the way to stay with people.. but yeah. Everyone should be excited because i really am!!!!! hehe.

The duggers.

I'm not gonna lie I love watching 17 kids and counting.
Most college girls get together to watch shows like Gossip Girl, Grey's, Laguna Beach.. and other shows of the such but my friends.. we get together to watch the Duggers. haha.
Last night we watched an episode on Anna and Josh, the newly wed couple. It was entertaining.
The Dugger's are some of the most loving steadfast people Ive ever seen in my life.. of course they have their extreme conservativeness in everything they do that i don't necessarily aspire to be like but i truly admire them. I admire them for their trust in the Lord with their lives, how patient and peaceful they are constantly.. and still manage to have fun and be passionate about life with out legalism. I want to be like Mrs Dugger.. I don't want to have 18 kids but i want to have her kind gentle heart that's calm even with 18 kids running around... She and her husband are so respectful to each other.. and honor each other with their words.. i want to be like that when I'm married. All of their characteristics come out of a heart that is in love with God and that honors God. A lot of people think they are weird and crazy but they challenge me like no other family has.
Yeah this is funny. But really.. i love them. haha.

I want to meet them someday.

Today Im half way done with my exams.
Today its raining and im in love.
Today i decided this is my favorite song of the week...
A week from today ill be on my way to Colorado with Matthew.
Tonight im going to get half price wine and pizza at Cafe Venice with Davis Ann as our end of the semester date that we have had since freshman year. Its always one of my favorite things of the whole semester.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

panera break

Random thoughts.

I want to be faithful.
like really faithful.

I love pulling the lent out for the dryer, like i look forward to it (is that weird?)

I'm sad Erica is leaving Tuscaloosa. Ive learned so much from her.

Its Cinco de Mayo and da, sara, stevie, erica, and i are going to get margaritas.

I haven't studied very much since Ive been here at panera and Ive been here for 3 hours.

Im about to go buy a journal for the summer.. its kinda a big deal to me... a lot goes into picking one out for me.. im kinda picky.

I wish i was napping in my bed.

I should be getting my white pants i ordered from urban today of tomorrow :)

I feel like something new is about to happen. obviously school will be over.. but i feel a transition taking place slowly before me.

I love southern summer rain storms and how they just rolls in and leave.. it really does that like in the movies...

I want to lose my life.

I love Alabama bc of the wild flowers.

I dl new awesome music yesterday and today. mmm.

I want a massage.

I want to be like the widow in Luke 18.

I want to use less words but for my mind to be in such an order that i can do that..

I still want to speak french.

I miss jessica.

I see my family this weekend :)

I am almost half way done with my exams!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

poor and needy

Ive felt really needy and annoying lately. I tend to pull away from people when i feel this way and when i sorta feel rejected but the Lord keeps reminding me about the truth behind it and that He thinks upon me still.. over and over i keep singing the Misty Edwards song i sung constantly in my head freshman year.. "though I'm poor and needy the Lord dreams about me, though He's high and lofty I'm always on His mind.. I'm always on his mind"... to the one who i should annoy the most with my prayers and my unfaithfulness.. to the one who is Holy and blameless.. I am worth bearing with.. He is the one who thinks and longs for me... this i don't understand.. His love is so great..

I really really love Him.
and i really want to love well.

I am poor and needy Yet the LORD thinks upon me. psalm 40:17

Things I'm looking forward to:
Finals being over
My date with Davis Ann Wednesday night
Erica's party ( not her going away but the social part of it)
Seeing Matthew a week from tomorrow
Getting to clean my room for real on Friday when ill be done with life here for a while.

Thursday, April 30, 2009


words i love to say:
basket (davis ann's new nickname)

I hate the feeling of a wet floor on my feet.. its bothered me more and more.. not much grosses me out at all but it makes me cringe

I like cabinets to be closed but i don't care about my clothes falling out of my drawers..

I check the mail literally every time i walk outside of the door no matter the time of day and if Ive already gotten it...

I count my steps a lot when i am walking a lot of the time.. especially going up steps.

I talk to myself out loud when i am alone.. and sometimes like now.. as im sitting in Panera Ive had to watch not typing everything i write outloud..

The End.

Its been a good day.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


I'm sitting at the Maddox Beach house watching Davis Ann and Sara clean the kitchen.. haha i should be helping.. and will after i finish this quick blog..

This weekend Sara, Davis-Ann, Erica, and I went to the beach. Ive always been one to have a few close friends in my life that i see all the time and no one else. Ive gone through being discouraged because i don't have a ton of friends in the past but have realized i wouldn't change it for anything for having a few best friends who would do or give anything for me. 

Our trip was fun. It was relaxing (as all trips to the beach should be).
Its one of my favorite places. I love coming here because i usually get my own room that has my own balcony that i can leave open all day and night. I slept with the balcony doors open last night.. it was perfect.. the doors have these sheer white curtains in front of them that blow every time the wind comes in.  Its one the prettiest things. 

I feel like I'm in a weird place in life. A place where so many things are un certain and un sure.. is it just where i am or is life forever going to be like this? growing up you did the same thing everyday, went to school, you knew what you were gonna do the next year.. pretty much who would be your friends and whether or not you were gonna do the same after school activities.. once you graduate it all gets thrown up in the air.. and it does not come back down again.. 
 hmm. i dunno?

Ive been really clinging to the truth that God wont let me stay where i am. That he wont let me grow stagnate but he will do anything to keep me going and growing.. He will bring me to completion. For this I'm thankful. 

My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. psalm 63:8

Music for me for the weekend: Griffin House. 
Verse: psalm 40.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


This past weekend was great.
best weekend i can think of in a while.. a long while..
reason #1. i got to do something that i haven't done in a while and that i wish i did more.. i went to a concert with Davis Ann, Emma, and Sara Friday night.. we saw Matthew Mayfield for free at the Bama theater. I love the feeling of sitting and just listening and appreciating someones music.. his voice is kinda mesmerizing. It was perfect.
and reason #2. Matt surprised me!!!
Story: I decided earlier this year that i wanted to have a celebrity dinner party. Just where everyone comes over and eats dinner dressed as a celebrity. No big deal but i told Matt when it was.. which was this past Saturday.. for the past few weeks he had been telling me how bad he wished he could go and bah blah blah.. so. Last week he told me he was going on a retreat with his fraternity brothers Friday night and wouldn't have service and that he had to work and couldn't get out of it so there was no way he could come visit me.. He had also told me earlier that week that i was getting a package on Friday or Saturday.. so Friday goes on and i thought Matt had gone on his camping trip.. we went to the concert.. then Bruno's.. and came home. Emma and i were looking at pictures of Angelina Jolie for my costume on Saturday.. and the door bell rings.. Sara told me to go to the door and so ya know i did.. and was confused when i saw a huge box on our door step.. it was really quiet and Davis Ann and Erica had disappeared for a while so i thought they were doing something silly.. also Erin was standing at the end of the drive way making funny faces.. so i just shut the door and told Sara i didn't want to open it.. haha i even said "maybe its Matt.. just kidding" and so someone said from the porch.. open the box.. and so with a little help.. up came the box and there stood Matt.. i was so shocked.. i mean i thought or pretended in my head earlier that week that he maybe would surprise me but didn't really think it would happen.. it was great. and def. needed.. he had planned it since before spring break!.. best surprise ever.. he didn't even slightly let it slip.. i have an amazing boyfriend... it totally made my semester...

Today was a good day too.
The Lord is really sweet to me.. i prayed on the way to class today that he would pour his affections out on me and that in doing so it would cause me to pour mine back on him.. and tonight he did.. i didn't even realize he had answered this prayer until i left crusade but during worship tonight he just reminded me of how much he treasures the fact that i loved him from such a young age.. Ive known the lord and walked with him for a really long time.. i remember loving the Lord in 6th grade and having such a innocence about life.. he told me that he loved my heart then and that he still remembers it and sees that in me now no matter what i see, ,think, or feel. No matter how much i have been corrupted by this world and have had innocence stolen from me he sees me as an innocent child.. it broke my heart. He really loves me.. and him telling me these things stirred my heart.. how can i not love such a God who takes so much delight in me even in my broken sinful body.. His love draws me nearer.

I am nothing more than this tonight
I hope for a dream to pass you by..
you'd see me fight for you my bride
I know in this way, like oceans waves
love comes to life in your embrace
For you id give my life away
and as we are leaving the grips of this life ill be by your side
I long for a day when freedom reigns
with you in my arms ill watch you sleep and kiss your lips with fire and peace
-Matthew Mayfield

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Simple Times.

A few things I know, Ive learned, or knew but that got re-affirmed.

1. I know I have wonderful friends. They are so thoughtful and love me.
2. I know my boyfriend has awesome taste. (He gave me the best shoes ever for my birthday)
3. I know Forgiveness brings peace and healing.
4. I know I love bags. My friend Sarah had this great one that i always told her i loved everytime i saw her and so she gave it to me for my birthday!
5. I know love music. I listened to Passion Pit this morning and it put me in a good mood and now I'm listening to Joe Purdy and artists like him on Pandora..it makes my heart happy.
6. I know with my birthday money im buying a pair of Nike's. some white pants. and maybe a bathing suit.
7. I know i need to more patience in my life. Its running a little dry these days.
8. I know i want to live a simple life. And am trying to figure out how to do so.

Is it enough to write a song and sing it to the birds?
They'd hear just the tune
Not understand my love for words
But you would hear me and know
I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.
I dreamed you first
But not so real
And everyday since I've found you
Such moments we steal
Like little thieves, we rub our hands
We hold our hearts between them.
But will you hear me and know?
I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.
-the weepies

Monday, April 13, 2009


"I'm holding onto love that i cant see...
...but i believe."
[luke wood]

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Little Women.

Ive always been told that out of the girls from Little Woman i would be Beth.
She is quiet, kinda sweet, and doesn't have a strong personality. But being Beth is kinda sad.. She didn't think too much of herself.. she didn't talk much and dies in the story.
I mean out of the 4 i am most like her because I'm nothing like the other 3.
Today I've felt more like Joe. Not her strong willed personality or drive but her stubbornness and nostalgia.
I found myself asking questions like she asks. Joe never wanted change and when good things were before her she froze and was scared to move. Of course good things happen to her in the end but she went though a time of resistance to get where she went. My family came to celebrate Easter in Decatur this year. Wesley is in Costa Rica and couldn't be there.. my cousin and aunt were in Boston.. Its gotten to the point where you know its never gonna be the same again.. people move away.. die.. or for other reasons cant be in the same place they were for so many years.. growing up the family always felt complete.. ever since my uncle died when i was in 6th grade it hasn't been the same. Its always been one less person.. now its even more.. someday the cycle will start over and additions to the family will come but why cant they just stay the same? Why cant i have consistency? consistency in things like this but also in other areas of my life.. and the next question is when will things change? Ive wanted to change certain things for so long now. about myself. about situations. about life.
I want consistency and change. hm. To me, the two sound like they contradict each other.
I dunno.
Today i am Joe.
Tomorrow.. i dunno who ill be.. haha
hopefully myself..

All i do know is that I turn 21 tomorrow and I want to start a book club.

3 things im thankful for:
1. For Jesus. For him dying and raising again to save me :)
2. Getting to spend time with jessica
3. My mom. the massage and pedicure she got me. and for her telling the easter bunny to get me twilight. Shes a good mom.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Birminhmam, Memphis, KC, Detroit

Today I celebrate one of my best friend in the whole worlds birthday.. Davis Ann Maddox.
She was born 21 years ago today and i am so blessed that the Lord gave her to me to be my best friend in college.. so thanks for being born Davis Ann and for being so wonderful.. happy birthday! :)

This past weekend I went to KC to go to a formal with Matthew.
The trip was adventurous and eventful as all of my trips to see him are. I ended up not getting to KC till midnight due to a 4 hour plane delay in Memphis.. it all worked out though..
i had to fight keeping a good attitude and still being excited and thankful i was getting the opportunity to see him.
The Lord blessed my layover by giving me people to talk to. I decided since i had 4 hours to kill i would sit down, eat dinner, and read my bible.. only place i found.. was a bar.
I did it anyways and ended up getting to talk to a guy about the Lord and was so encourage by his testimony of how good the Lord had been to him. It really blessed my heart..
That Friday ended up being the best time if had with the lord in a long time. I heard him speak to me more clearly that day than i have in so long. I felt the freedom he gives when his children walk in obedience. He really does work all things together for my good.

My plane rides were interesting too.. i didn't listen to my ipod like i normally do but found myself talking to every person i sat by for the hour to 2 hours i was on the plane.. It was one of those trips i feel like i needed a video camera to document the lives and conversations of the people that i talked to.
I sat by a sweet old black man who loves the lord and was so kind to me on the way to Memphis.. from Memphis to KC i talked to a 29 year old doctor who had been up for almost 30 hours.. he talked to me about everything you can imagine.. and gave me advice about relationships.. it was interesting. I felt as if he was giving me worldly advice but felt the Lord use it and speak to me through it.. He talked to me about Matt and said ..
"..you think no one understands what it is between you two.. and you right.. no one does and no one ever will..its about you and him.."
Hearing him say that has stuck with me. I had a hard time at the beginning of the year feeling approval from friends here about being in a relationship. Ive had to learn to trust in the lord alone about what is right and not rely on the approval of man. It is.. "all about you and him" ..about the Lord and me.. then Matthew and me..
It took that conversation for me to confidently let it go and be okay with that.
On the way home i flew all the way to Detroit.. sat by 1st a Mormon lady.. that was interesting.. and 2nd Alabama's old basketball coach.. one of the ones that just got released.. He was from LA so we had a great life in California talk.

I was in KC for maybe 31 hours. I was worth is though. I think dinner was one of my favorite parts of the trip. We got to eat in Union Station at a place called Pierpont's. We were served a 4 course mean in a private room with old 20's music playing in the background. We turned the night into a fake life story.. the 8 of us became the Godoricci's. A wealthy Italian family who is part of the Mafia. It was perfect. I love being creative and playing pretend.

2 things i know for certain..

1. That God is beyond good.
2. That I adore Matthew more and more every time i am around him.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Thoughts from Mass Comm.

I'm skipping class.
We are under a tornado warning so its probably a good excuse right?

I did go to my last class only because we had a quiz..
That class was my Mass Communications class.. Its very interesting but my teacher makes stupid jokes all the time.. and because its a 101 class we have a lot of freshman in there.. and therefore we have story time.. all the time.. not from the teacher but from the students..
for example.. One day we were talking about books.. and the topic of teachers came up and a girl raises her hand and says.. " my moms a teacher".. and the point is? haha this is a topic Davis Ann and I go on about.. its hilarious.. we had story time for like 30 min. today from people telling their pointless stories that related to only one word our teacher would say.. haha i sound mean.. anyways during this time i just tuned out.. and thought about random things.. I usually play the "what If" game in my head... like what if I just got up and ran around the room? or what if people were really colors like it says in the bible song "red, yellow, black, or white".. like not just a brown tint or tanish color.. but really colors.. haha wouldn't that be crazy!? im weird.... but have to entertain myself somehow..

Anyways on Tuesday we also talked about music and my teacher opened up the class with "if i took your ipod and looked at your music i could tell what kind of person you are".. I've always thought this not wanting to judge people on music but i does tell something about someone whether they want it to or not.. it made me think what people would say about me if they looked at my ipod? or better yet what do i want for people to think about me when looking at my ipod?

Music from today: Jordan Mahy's burnt CD he made.. and Gabrielle singing along...
Hm. what does that tell you?.. haha oh man.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009



Its been a while.

a few things... or 10 things..

1. I feel more inspired lately.
2. Music: I'm flying to Kansas City Friday to go to a formal with Matthew.. :) i went to Barnes and Noble tonight and bought a Paste magazine (its a music magazine) and I'm excited about reading and discovering new things on the plane ride there.. also I'm obsessed with Pandora radio again.. i played in last night while i studied and didn't hear one song that came on i didn't like.. its been good to me.. everyone should try it out sometime
3. My best friend told me the other day that reading my blog made her a little nostalgic.. and after thinking about it.. i decided its because.. I'm nostalgic.. not on purpose but almost everything makes me that way.. songs.. rides home alone in my car.. sunsets.. seeing faces from the past i don't see often.. i think its the melancholy part of my personality coming out..
4. Liz's sister asked me to paint a picture for her husband for their anniversary to go in their dinning room.. I don't normally paint things for people but she gave me a picture and I'm getting paid pretty well so.. I'm kinda nervous but you gotta start somewhere right?
5. I'm planning a party.. its gonna be the best party ever.. its a dinner party where everyone has to come as a Hollywood couple.. but i mean dates arnt required.. Davis Ann and i brainstormed for ideas today while we swung at the park :)
6. Ive been really humbled by so much lately..
7. I love rice cakes and hot peppermint tea. Not together but they are my new and recent obsession.
8. I got a project back tonight in design class i turned in on Monday.. i got a 99 on it! and the one point was taken off because of how messy my craftsmanship is.. i cant help it glue sticks to everything.. ha but i was excited :) my teacher said that it was one his favorites and one of the best he's seen while teaching design! i was humbled because i didn't think it was that great and it kinda boosted my confidence which can always use boosting a little..
9. I wanna see this! :)
10. Random but.. I hate my pride.. and Ive realized its hard for me to trust people lately..dunno why but i want to work on changing that?..

Music for the day: Jesse Rogers Goodman :) and a little Pandora Radio (lisa hannigan inspired)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


I'm laying on my bed eating Kix. They don't taste like much but are so good to me.. if im not careful i will eat the whole box without realizing it.. One summer jessica and i would do this with Captain Crunch.. we'd buy a box and it just disappeared before our eyes.. soon we found out where this mysteriously addicting cereal went... i better be careful or ill get the same results that i got after eating it all the time.. good thing Kix aren't as bad for you as Captain Crunch is.. anyways.. stupid cereal.

note to self: Sarah, stay away from a box of cereal loaded with sugar.

Its been a nice night. I got out of Design early and to my surprise it was pouring outside. Of course it wasn't when i went to class so i had no umbrella. It was okay though. I got a little soaked but it gave me a better excuse to come home and take hot bath.. I listened to good slow folkie music, lit a few candles, and made myself hot peppermint tea. The rain made it even better by pouring down outside my bathroom window. I love baths.

I miss jessica.
I miss loving to exercise.
I miss my brothers living in the same town as me.
I miss kc the cougar and her faithful drives around the austin high school parking lot.
I miss the days getting to eat whatever i wanted.
I miss Matthew.

3 things im thankful for:

1. my drawing class being canceled for tomorrow.
2. coffee with Davis Ann and Lunch with Gabrielle
3. the instant satisfaction of a Polaroid camera

Davis Ann: "You smell like vitamins"
Me: "Ive been eating kix.. i have kixie hands.. that's probably it"
Davis Ann: "ah ha it sounded like you said you have kinky hands"

oh man.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

back to reality.

I am addicted to corn chips i think.
Yeah.. Its official.

Spring break was amazing. I got to spend 9 days in Texas with Matthew and his family. It was wonderful. His family is great, we got to relax pretty much the entire week, goof off, and sleep till whenever we wanted. I love trips, and needed this one. It didn't feel like reality the entire time i was there.
In a way its good to be back in reality but i wish the two would collide.. hm. Maybe one day they will.

11 highlights from sp09 (because i like that number):

1. Being with Matt for 9 days straight.. everything about it.. i would still be with him if possible.
2. Going to the Dallas Zoo. And riding the train though Dallas to get there.
3. Scooter rides to the park and laying in a hammock among the trees
4. Food.. Matts mom cooked almost every night.. it was great.
5. Getting to see Lisa Hannigan at the House of Blues. Ah. I still cant get over how amazing she was. My new inspiration. I kinda wanna be her.
6. Watching movies almost every night and not getting tired of it..
7. Going dancing with Matthew and his family and getting lessons at a country western dance place.
8. Trip to the arboretum. We went on a picnic and saw lots of pretty flowers and trees.
9. Finding a great dress at bcbg on sale
10. Feeling relaxed and peaceful the entire time/ not feeling anxious about anything at all..
11. Not even knowing where my phone was for almost 2 entire days and not having to charge it once the entire time i was there.. i wish i could live without it forever..

The lord is good to me.

3 Things to look forward to:

1. 10 days till i see Matthew again.. this time in kC.

2. Sandra is coming this weekend :)

3. Sara and Jonathan bought Twilight! we are watcing it tonight.

Its a good day.

Friday, March 13, 2009

cant put a finger on it.

I already posted today.. but need a break from cleaning and packing
I'm kinda in a annoyed mood for some reason

Its kinda rainy and cold. Not the kind of rain that's enjoyable though.

Sara has made me feel better though letting me talk to her. She's calmed me.
We ate lunch and have been hanging out in Davis Ann's room. haha. Its what we do when shes not here... Thanks Davis Ann.

Ive been packing for Texas. Packing used to be a fun thing to do for me. Maybe its because i do it a lot more these days so its harder to enjoy? who knows.
I'm also still unsure about what i need to do this summer. It stresses me out. One day I'm confident about it the next i don't feel right about it. Dunno what that's about.

Good things from today: listening to Amos Lee, reading Hosea, the fact i am still wearing the same clothes i slept in still.. even to class.

I'm trying to snap out of my mood. Its extremely hard to do though.
Tomorrow makes an escape for me. When i was younger i always wanted to run away alone. Go to an airport by myself. Just me and the Lord, watch all of the people, listen to my music, and hope it would do something for me. The first time i did that was flying out to California summer after my freshman year. I called it my my adventure with the Lord. It literally felt like we were traveling together, like he was sitting next to me on the plane. The last few times its not had the same feeling but hopefully this time it will. Tomorrow me and Jesus are going on a trip to see Matt. I want the intimacy with the lord that i felt that first time i traveled alone.
Is that weird i think about it that way? haha probably is to some people but oh well. He does go with me everywhere. I want to fellowship with His spirit closely in every part of my life. Ive slacked letting Him be what consumes me fully this year. Its just been harder to do so. Everything's so much more at peace when I do. When the fight gets tougher next time i hope i push myself harder and not back down like i do with everything else in my life. I'm only human though and I'm not always gonna do things perfectly.. i have to remind myself of this. Glad He loves me just the same even in that.

wow i feel like that was kind of a depressing entry but oh well.
haha i feel a little better.

Ah I'm thankful its Spring Break...

I see Matthew really soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hello spring break.

Things i am thankful for:

1. Emma. I am spending the night with her tonight and shes driving me to the airport tomorrow. Shes a good friend to have. (Now i need a ride home from there on the 22nd?... )

2. Snow Patrol.

"You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer
Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words"

3. That i am done with class officially till the 23rd. I feel like i need this break more than ever right now. Oh man.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

urban dictionary.

I love urban dictionary.

It gave me great definitions to my name.

check out # 11.. Sara says its me.



my heart is happy.

I just got home from working out.. not gonna lie it was kinda rough.. ha. BUT! it was great at the same time.
I had my ipod on shuffle and Kim Walker came on. Perfect timing..
About this time last year Her CD came out and we listened to it non stop on spring break. It made me really happy for it to come on. Like really happy..
Really happy about this spring break and excited about what the Lord is gonna do and happy that the Lord has given me fun memories to look back on.
It made me laugh while i was working out thinking about singing Spontaneous song 5 in the kitchen with Davis Ann, Erica, and Stevie while cooking dinner. We were singing "...Put a fire in our bellies and a river in our mouths, you put a fire in our bellies and a river in our mouths..and we are born to praise you.. we are born to praise you for all eternity.." and as we sang this we danced and fanned Jamie Reid asking the lord to fall on us.. (ha Jamie's reaction) which this is the funniest picture to me. It makes my heart smile. Sweet friends. And sweet spirit.
Ah i love it.

This song also reminds me of crazy fun Jesus times with Sandra. Haha Ive never laughed so hard than laying on the floor laughing in her apartment listening to Kim Walker and praying for each other.

Thanks Lord for today, friends, for Sandra (and for me), for Kim Walker, for your fun spirit, and for settling my spirit.
You are good all the time.

"We are longing for the glory of the Lord cause we know there's so much more."..."can we have more of You?"

2 days.

I only slept for a little over 4 hours total last night.
hm. Kinda frustrating?
I also over drafted my bank account yesterday for the, what i seems like, millionth time in my life. Why am i so irresponsible again and why do i not have a job so id have money and therefore it wouldn't happen? Online banking messes me up.

Things I'm thankful for:

1. Dr. Pagani my art history professor. I want her to be my adopted school mom. Just something about her i love.
2. Sandra sending me psalm 104:26 last night. Its about how God put the ships in the sea to "play" there.. in other versions it says frolic. It reminded me of the Lords playfulness. I like to frolic and He gave me fields to do so.
3. My mom. Once again. Shes pretty great (thats an understatement)

Mood of the day: tired. quiet. calm
(live journal used to have that on their blogs. In high school i always liked getting to choose my mood)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


The jealously of the lord hurts sometimes... like His desire for us is overwhelming.. I feel it today..

"...the spirit in us yearns jealousy..." James 4:5

Jealousy.. what to think about it?.. the way Paul talks about it in 2 Corinthians 11 gets me..
and the way the Lord drove the Jews to jealousy by calling the gentiles to himself too interests me.. jealously draws you in.. of course godly jealousy is what I'm talking about.. its all because of His great love though.. why He provokes us to jealously and why He's jealous for our attention..
Its His love.

Set me as a seal upon your heart,as a seal upon your arm,for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire,the very flame of the Lord.
song of soloman 8:6

I feel like john mark mcmillan has experienced this and knows the lords jealousy for him..

"He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane. I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory And I realize how beautiful you are and how great your afflictions for me, Oh how he loves us so"

"i cant stop crying because you wont stop calling my name.." -jmm


3 questions:

question number one: why do i have a hard time falling asleep when i am really tired? i mean Ive only been trying now for like thirty minuets but I know at this point it will be a while so why not write a blog? its been going on for a while.. i don't like it... too much more time to think with a mind that races almost all day long

question number two: why did God create guys and girls so different? i mean i know of course they complete each other in where the other is lacking but i mean i just want to know one good reason why God made girls emotional and made them a mystery and completely hard to figure out.. i mean it would help the emotional part of it if He made boys somehow able to read their language don't you think? just been wondering all my life.. i could go on.. but i am stopping. But really i am up for suggestions to those good reasons about girls..

question number three: why isn't it spring break already. 3days (ish)

3 things.

1. I really like harmonicas.

2. I like unicorns or really saying the word.. Davis Ann sent me a happy picture of one today that was drawn on the sidewalk. She gave me one freshman year in our days when we would play steal sharky ( Chris's massive shark stuffed animal) and the cool ceramic squirrel from the boys house and it got stolen during a war by one of them and has never been seen again. sad day. RIP cute unicorn from Davis Ann.. oh fun times.

3. I like enter the worship circle. Never have stopped. My kinds will most likely know them before they even come out of the womb...

okay wait 4 things..
4. Matt and I will be dating 9 months over spring break.. i know right!? in that 9 months we've probably seen each other a total of 8 times? haha but he still gives me butterflies when i talk to him sometimes. This week theve been worse as the reality sets in that ill see him on Saturday. Just for the record. I like him.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

quiet. humbled. broken.

Things I'm thankful for:

1. Luke Woods song Let Us Run
2. Davis Ann.
3. The Lords intercession and Hebrews 7:20-28

"I am the vine and you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him bears much fruit; for without me you can do NOTHING." [john 15:5]

Monday, March 9, 2009

Tylenol PM.

I had one of those mornings where you cant get up and finally do when all you have time do is put on clothes and leave your house in time to only be 5 min. late for class...
Thanks Tylenol PM for helping me stay asleep and thanks for making it harder to get up. Is this a good thing or not?
I dunno.

I usually try and take the time that i walk to class to pray.
This morning i had no words. Literally none.
It was hard to even say thank you to Him today for some reason.. my mind and body seemed to still be asleep..
but then in His goodness He just just said "listen".
And all i heard was "i love you" over and over again.
Just when i feel like i have to start another day getting right with the Lord and trying to show my love for him with my words of thankfulness, He pours his love on me instead. He's the one who deserves praise and adoration and in his humility and meekness He pours it on me.
I don't understand Him sometimes.

Its been a good day. I finally cleaned my room that looked like a tornado tore though it. Seriously it was bad.. ask my roommates.
I like feeling clean and accomplished.

I'm thankful for:
1. 85 degree weather.
2. spring break and that its in 5 days for me.
3. my mommy.

This is my song for the week. Its beautiful.

"I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.
She's all I need.
Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
And she waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet."
-Parachute VA

Sunday, March 8, 2009


It feels like summer.
Has all weekend.
I'm with a few friends cooking dinner.
Its hot in our house and we had to open the door..
you can hear the insects making music again..
I think we might eat out on our porch.
Mmm eating asparagus & drinking sweet tea from my wine glass (since i cant drink yet) = part of summer for me
I love the feeling i have now.
All i need is a vase of wild flowers to be on the table that i would have picked today if it had been a real summer day.

Things that make me cry: babies and old people.

Things that make me laugh: life/everything

Music: Jon Foreman's summer and spring albums.

Love life.

beautiful weekend.

Its been the most beautiful weekend. Not just the weather but the time i have gotten to spend with people has been beautiful.

Im thankful for my time with Sally. We haven't met since October? and had much to catch up on. She gives me practical real advice and questions me to get me thinking. Shes a great counselor, and is gifted at what she does. During our conversation about the future i was reminded to not let go of the things i have before me. Near the end of our conversation she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "i don't ever want to lose touch with any of you guys when leave, i know you're leaving but don't want to lose you" and it made me think. I don't want to lose touch with anyone here either. Its so easy to do so even being in the same city. Its had to remember to hold on to the moments we have right in front of us when things seem to drag on and become dull. I don't feel like im living for the future because i know its still a few years away but i do seem to let myself look past the now and to go through motions i have to do to complete what im doing here. The lord has put so many beautiful people and opportunities before me here. Even in the what i would call "mundane" and i need to hold on to them. They prepare me for the next step and what the future holds. I'm thankful for my friends and don't show it enough. I'm challenged by this.

Friday night i went to watch some friends play at Pour cafe. Jordan and Gabrielle sang and of course swept my heart away one more time.
My friend Kristen came with her roommate. I dunno why i worried about them coming but it was fun, they had fun, and i like being around her. The Lord is good and faithful. He reminded me he has things taken care of.. why do i forget this when he was the one who created life?

Saturday i hung out with Gabrielle. i adore her. We went to breakfast and literally did NOTHING all day. I mean we sat as much as we could. Even if it was sitting on a blanket on the quad to attempt at homework, we relaxed. I'm thankful for her. Shes relaxing to be around.

Im also thankful for house church. Gabriele and i decided last night we wanted to worship at her house this morning instead of going to church. haha. So we did. Davis Ann, She, and i just worshiped, prayed, and read the word together. It was good. The Lord has always put friends in my life to do this sort of thing with. I miss doing it as much as we used to and think it needs to happen more often.

Matt and I have been playing the question game a lot lately when we talk on the phone at night. We played it for like 2 weeks straight everyday when we first started liking each other and playing it again has been really fun.
I adore him.
6 days till i fly to Dallas.

I want to be a hippie again.

I want to adopt a baby.

and I want love like Jesus does.

She's just waiting for the summertime when the weathers fine -Jack Johnson

Thursday, March 5, 2009

my mind is everywhere.

Ive thought this about my life before many times but this morning i woke up feeling i must be on a TV show, a movie, or something..just by the way i felt and what i was thinking combined with the events that have gone on the past week..
For instance.. Liz, one of my best friends, almost got a knife pulled on her on Monday while running.. 15 cops and a helicopter came to my house last night because my roommates felt like a man broke into our house, we still don't know if it was just the UPS man or not.. hilarious story.. and because of other little things like how i ran to Barnes and Noble after hearing the UPS mans break in story because i felt so tense after hearing the story. For many reasons i felt tense.. i was kinda embarrassed in a funny way and it had been a long day.. i lost all of my social skills with anyone i came in contact with there and became extremely awkward to the point i was laughing out loud at my self uncontrollably.. if someone was watching me they would have died from how i was acting..
In addition to the first three days of this week... my breakfast club of an art class, my relationship with Matt although not dramatic but interesting as a whole.. adds to the reasons i feel like im eligible to feel like im on a movie...
oh and i now talk to myself out loud on a daily basis.. its become a bad habit.. so im kinda weird.. and that's another good reason i think

So since my life must be a movie or TV show.. a song that would be on this season of my life's soundtrack and that would have started today's episode of my life would be Rest Shame & Love by Augustana.. because of the guitar part at the beginning... the song would only play about half way through at the opening scene from this morning and fade out to me forcing myself to get out of bed..
I say this song because i listened to it in my car today and feel like it would just fit.
haha. oh man. Seriously though.

9 days till spring break. Thank you Jesus.

I really wish i was a hippie. Im wearing my hair like one today, the weather is amazing and it makes me just wan to be barefoot in a cool dress laying on a blanket in the middle of a field.

Random but my feet grew 1/2 a size bigger.. how does that happen? the last few pair of 9's i tried on wouldn't fit me...hmmm.

I met with one of the staff girls from crusade today. Ive been wanting someone to challenge me and feel kinda convicted for not serving and pushing myself to grow where The Lord has gifted me and brought me to. I want to grow and be challenged but have needed someone to push me in a loving way without me feeling rebuked by them.. although i need it sometimes i don't think it would have helped me at this point.. she just reminded me what my strengths were and how i have a place in the body of Christ.. it was really good to hear.

Also today Davis Ann convinced me to go to Birmingham with her to see her best friend Rebbecca. It was wonderful. We went to forever 21 and ate dinner with Rebbecca and her Mom who are both amazingly sweet. We had great conversation on the way there.. we always seem to when we take trips to Birmingham alone together.. its one of my favorite things to do with her.. i love her friendship.
And i got a cool Indian shirt for 12 dollars. i love cheap things.

anyways.. now off to bible study to talk about the fruits of the spirit...:)

If you feel discouraged
That there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover
It's really bursting at the seams
For absorbing everything
The spectrum's a to z
This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years
-Death Cab for Cutie

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

sleepless... not in Seattle. but in Tuscaloosa.

Haha i know my title was really cheesy but its late. I'm tired and things that arnt funny are funny to me.
I cant sleep so i decided to write another blog.

I always claimed to not have favorite things because i always felt bound to them if i did and wouldn't be able to change them if i wanted but i do have have favorite things in season.. ha so right now.. here is a list of my favorite things.. some of these have been my favorite things for a long time and will be forever and some are things that are just passing through my life...


The words cupcake and bunnies... try and say them out loud and you'll agree.

Bubble baths with candles, a good book, and a play list consisting of Iron and Wine, Damien Rice, slow KOL and other mellow music

Favorite food is rice. i don't eat it very ofter at all.. but i say its my favorite because its the most practical food... you can eat it with almost anything.. and cereal.

Joe Purdy. huge step saying that one. I of course have other artists on my favorite music list but he has my heart.

Painting in a button down shirt at my house in Decatur in my pink bedroom right after i get out of the bath tub and feel inspired by the play list i listened to in the bath tub..

Being with Matthew

Laughing with Jessica at ourselves..of course we are the only ones who think were funny

Taking trips to every where/running errands with Davis Ann

Riding in the passenger seat of anyone's car.. Matt's.. Davis Ann's.. Jessica's.. Ive always been the one to ride and not drive..

Going to shows.. that consists of music.. dance.. and art gallery openings..

Sitting around the table with my best of friends and having good deep conversations about life and God

Worshiping with my friends at school

Getting presents and mail from my mommy


Days in the summer when you don't shower all day or wear makeup and care what you look like because you have been out in the water and in the sun all day..

Walking around the grocery store..

Antique stores.

The colors.. grayish blue.. coral.. anthropologie yellow.. and a certain shade of green i see in my head

BMW 6 series... but i mean really i like most BMW's..

Not wearing pants.. (haha honesty is good right?)

The dinner table at home when the whole family is home from school.. its always interesting and funny

Walks by myself in the spring by the river when i get to just listen to my ipod and talk/walk with Jesus

Mary of Bethany in the Bible

Having someone read to me

Singing duets with Matthew

The mornings when you wake up feel awesome, skinny, and really clean.. haha ya know even when you didn't shower the night before but you feel awesomely clean when you wake up for some reason?

that's all for now..
i think this helped me get tired enough again to try and sleep.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

refreshment to my soul

Tonight at crusade we just had worship and and prayer. There was only like 20 people there.
Jordan led worship and we prayed in groups about psalm 139 and thanked the Lord for how well he knows us.
I got to pray with Davis Ann and Gabrielle. When it was over we sang a few songs with Jordan that him and Emily wrote. It was perfect. I love worshiping and praying with them. It does something to me. Hearing Gabrielle always stirs me up on the inside and i always get tears in my eyes. Its not because i get emotional or anything my eyes always water and tear up when i feel the Holy Spirit touch me. Her voice is so anointed, it carries the gentle peace of the Lord.

I can't come close to figuring myself out most days... I'm thankful that the Lord knows me better than I know myself.. And i am thankful that his presence will never leave me no matter how hard i try to get away from him..

Yesterday, kinda discouraged, i would have said this was my verse:

I used to go with the multitude;
I went with them to the house of God,
With the voice of joy and praise,
With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.
Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
For the help of His countenance.
O my God, my soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,
And from the heights of Hermon,
From the Hill Mizar.
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me
[psalm 42:4b-8]

Tonight was relaxing. A little praise and worship always brings refreshment to my soul. His presence brings healing and rest.

O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You
[psalm 139:1-12]

Hes so good to me.

Monday, March 2, 2009


These days......

What i find myself enjoying the most:
sitting at the dining room table with my 2 roommates while we all do homework, talk, laugh, and make fun of each other

What i feel bound by:
The expectations i have for my self in what i can do and the expectations i think others have for me. Its keeping me from growing and challenging myself i think.. root: fear? (little exposure)

Only food i seem to consume:
Green Giant vegetables, cereal, fiber one pop tarts, soup, and as of this weekend Mission tortilla chips.

People i see:
Davis Ann, Sara, and on occasion Gabrielle and Erica. (explains my social life)

Web sites i visit daily:
Facebook, my bama, gmail, weather channel.com, and Web MD. Davis ann makes fun of me for a few of those...

Music i listen to:
Enter the Worship Circle, Ben Rector, Dave Barnes, Sarah Groves, and Bon Iver

What i wish i did more of:
paint for fun, go on mini adventures, see matthew, read, speak french, make more money, see people i love, cook actual meals, and desire time with the Lord and be in a place where i cant get enough of his presence.

Music for the day: Damien Rice's first CD 'O'. So good.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Middle School Boys.

Today Davis Ann, Erica, and I played with the the virtual model on Landsend's web site. It was awesome. You could make the girl look like you.. face, body type, hair and all.. then put clothes on her to see what you'd look like in them. It was probably the funnest thing i did all weekend. We experimented to see what Erica would look like at 40 and to see what shed look like weighing 350 pounds. So entertaining.
I mean here is our problem though.. we already looked at Landsend website to shop for one piece bathing suits because we got the catalog in the mail and became interested.. but to ensure this wont become a continual thing.. we all made a pact today to hold each other accountable to still dress cool/ hott when we get old...
Seriously. We are determined to not dress too "mom like" and wear high waisted jeans with a cardigan and crocks.. which is all we saw in the catalog..
Kill us if we do.

Tired in every way.

I miss Jessica really bad.
I wrote this the other day in my blog but seriously other than God of course she understands me like no one else can. Without me saying a word.
And i could use that lately. Really bad
Tonight is a night i wish we went to school together.
One reason being she painted on her porch last night and that's totally like some things we did in high school and probably would have done together had i been there last night.
Aaand she and her friends went on a road trip to see augustana on wednesday...
Kinda jealous.

A few thing..
I miss high school summer nights with my friends. So perfect.
I miss summer in general and am tired of cold rainy days..
Im ready for new summer nights and to have an indian tan again
I had a good convo with Erica tonight that i really needed to have to help the view of God i have right now
Im thankful for the friends i have here..
Wesley leaves for Costa Rica tomorrow...sad..first time ill be the only Teague in Tuscaloosa since he was a freshman
And last what Ive been harping on all night and made into a controversial topic... i swear the sun is bigger in California no matter what people say. It looks bigger.. so there. It has to be different somehow. Scientifically the distance from Alabama and the sun at sunset is the same as the distance as California and the sun at sunset but it still appears to be different sizes visually. Let me know if anyone comes up with an explanation for that one.
haha. My stance stands.

A few happy things...
I saw my brother Daniel today at Panera.. he always comforts me being around
I see Matt 2 weeks from today
I talked to Sandra for a while on the phone the other day and it still makes me happy thinking about it. I really love her and our talks.

Saturday, February 28, 2009


Sarah and Davis Ann's verses for the day:

But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit
I am no longer a slave to sin.

Songs for the day:
More Than a Man by Dave Barnes
Stay Humble by Tyler

"We all want something, I'm missing something
It Just explains the lack in me
Where I need you And how I need you"
-Dave Barnes

Friday, February 27, 2009



this is the kinda of place i wanna work at some day.. that is if i stick with design...

Its in Kansas City, super cool, and does packaging design for different companies..

or more specifically id wanna work for this company because they specialize in fashion and beauty product packaging design which is the type of thing that got me interested in it in the first place.. sadly its all the way in Santa Monica California.. but awesome.


Mmm. pretty things.


ok im gonna try and explain this the best i can..

Last night i had a dream that i was driving down this road with not much on it.. kinda looked like Jack Warner Parkway in Tuscaloosa..I was sitting in the backseat though.. driving?.. no one else was in the car with me.. i didn't have hold of the steering wheel, the gas, or brake.. I drove down the road a little while and it was about sunset.. as i was going i came to a red light.. but didn't completely stop kinda yielded to it instead.. where i was turning left and these guys in a gang walked by my car and cussed at me asking why i was in the back of my car and told me how stupid i was for being there. I was really confused and before i knew it i was driving again and up a hill at this point (still a road).. it was getting darker and darker and the hill was kinda like a ramp because i realized i was pulling on to the interstate. I began to freak out because i started going extremely fast and didn't want or need to be on the interstate.. cars were coming at me and i began to pray and as i did i got turned around to face backwards to not even be able to see the direction i was going.. i remember seeing Davis Ann in my view but it was more like in my mind in the dream... but dunno where or how or why? anyways i kept praying telling the Lord that i cant see at all and that i was scared. As i was was praying this loudly He spoke back to me saying " If you need eyes I will be your eyes and if you need ears i willl be your ears" and right after He said that audibly.. I crashed into something and literally felt it in my body. I usually feel things like in my dream but i literally in real life felt this in my body and woke up from it. I felt like i had crashed into water and i was sinking.. i felt water fill up my ears and everything.. like physically felt it... weird huh.. i felt this way for only a few seconds after i woke up but then snapped out of it and fell back to sleep.. it was interesting...

Im pressing on.

Constantly the phrase "do not lose heart" runs through my mind lately

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
[galations 6:9]

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So then death is working in us, but life in you.
And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,” we also believe and therefore speak, knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
[2 corinthians 4:7-18]

I lean into the intercession He makes for my life. Hes always living to intercede for me cause He knows i need it.
Thank God for that.. literally..

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Entry #2 today
Question: if you could relive one day or point in your life over again for a day what would it be?

S&J beach trip for sure. The entire week.

Jessica is my best friend.
Has been since 10th grade the day Jessica helped me write a paper on best friends during PE.
I have the most fun with her. Its always an adventure when we get together no matter what we may be doing.
In High school we were basically one person. s&j. We went to tutor at elementary schools senior year during 5th period. We sometimes skipped and went home to watch shows that Jess tevoed and would occasionally go to sonic and bring back drinks for the girls in our art class we had 6th period. This was the extent of our rebelliousness at the time..
When we got back to school early from tutoring we would pull in the parking lot and see how many times we could drive around it without pressing the break or the gas. It was a fun game.. worked better in my car than it did in Jessica's forerunner. Definitely one of my favorite memories with her from high school.
We always have the best time when we're together

For our senior trip, i guess you can call it that, we went on a road trip to the beach by ourselves and stayed at her grandparents place at the Beach Club resort in Ft. Morgan.
I call it a road trip because we made detour stops on the way there and took pictures in random artsy towns.
This trip means a lot to me.
To us it was a retreat with the Lord.
We worshiped, took our time, painted even, danced around our condo every night, bought dresses one night at boutique and put them on in the car just so we could eat at a nice restaurant, and took so much stuff you would have thought a family was going on the trip.
Jessica gets me better than anyone. Keeps me sane. Shes totally opposite from me yet just alike.
I adore her. She'll always be my best friend. Even when i have to share her with Adam the rest of our lives.
This is the time of my life that id live over and over again if i could. I know I'm not romanticizing the past either. Senior year was rough at times but this was defiantly a good time in my life.
I didn't have her on my list earlier today. But shed be #11 on my thankful for list for sure.