Little Women.

Ive always been told that out of the girls from Little Woman i would be Beth.
She is quiet, kinda sweet, and doesn't have a strong personality. But being Beth is kinda sad.. She didn't think too much of herself.. she didn't talk much and dies in the story.
I mean out of the 4 i am most like her because I'm nothing like the other 3.
Today I've felt more like Joe. Not her strong willed personality or drive but her stubbornness and nostalgia.
I found myself asking questions like she asks. Joe never wanted change and when good things were before her she froze and was scared to move. Of course good things happen to her in the end but she went though a time of resistance to get where she went. My family came to celebrate Easter in Decatur this year. Wesley is in Costa Rica and couldn't be there.. my cousin and aunt were in Boston.. Its gotten to the point where you know its never gonna be the same again.. people move away.. die.. or for other reasons cant be in the same place they were for so many years.. growing up the family always felt complete.. ever since my uncle died when i was in 6th grade it hasn't been the same. Its always been one less person.. now its even more.. someday the cycle will start over and additions to the family will come but why cant they just stay the same? Why cant i have consistency? consistency in things like this but also in other areas of my life.. and the next question is when will things change? Ive wanted to change certain things for so long now. about myself. about situations. about life.
I want consistency and change. hm. To me, the two sound like they contradict each other.
I dunno.
Today i am Joe.
Tomorrow.. i dunno who ill be.. haha
hopefully myself..

All i do know is that I turn 21 tomorrow and I want to start a book club.

3 things im thankful for:
1. For Jesus. For him dying and raising again to save me :)
2. Getting to spend time with jessica
3. My mom. the massage and pedicure she got me. and for her telling the easter bunny to get me twilight. Shes a good mom.